We're about two months away from the North American International Auto Show in Detroit, which means editors everywhere are now preparing budgets and assignments for hundreds of reporters. But are you thinking of stepping outside Cobo Hall for additional coverage about the city?

As a Detroit native and a local journalist, I recognize the irresistible urge to go outside the box and write a different kind of story unlike the one you're assigned. And since you're coming to a bankrupt city, all sorts of opportunities will present themselves, right?

So if you're thinking of pitching editors a separate story about Detroit (let me guess — "the auto industry is on a high, but the Motor City's spirit is at an all-time low," or something like that), here's how to do it.

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1. Write your pitch and save it to your desktop.

2. Take the pitch and move it to the highlighted icon.

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3. Find this icon and double-click it.

4. Type this into your address bar and press "enter".

5. Search for this.

6. Take note of the number of results.

7. Come up with another fucking pitch or just stick to the auto show, you unoriginal jackass.

That's it! Enjoy the show!