Billionaire Will Paint Your Home If You ID These Graffiti Bandits

Local billionaire Dan Gilbert has no tolerance for "degenerates" who trash his city. So he's on the lookout for a trio of young women who spray painted "welcome to Detroit" and some profanities in a Detroit alley recently.

I've heard a rumor or two that Gilbert has a private listserv filled with Quicken and Rock Ventures execs and some other power players in Detroit, where he occasionally doles out his thoughts on current events, thoughts on what building to buy next and other billionaire musings. (I've also heard that each person who responds has one of those ridiculously cliche motivational sayings in their signatures.) I'm not sure if this email was on that listserv or if this was sent out on the all-Quicken staff list or something, but Gilbert sent this out when he was handed video of the graffiti bandits in action:

As you all know, we all work hard (you, your fellow team members, our Rock Security team, the Detroit Police Department and many others) to keep downtown Detroit safe and our various properties looking GOOD.

Unfortunately, once in a great while, degenerates who don't "get it" crawl out of their deep dark holes (Ed. note: Sterling Heights?) and try to ruin it for the rest of us who take pride in and deeply care about our city.

This past Sunday (June 22nd) the three fancy 'ladies' pictured below decided to vandalize the alley of the 1001 building…You know, that big brown building on the northwest corner of Campus Martius? (Ed. note: This one.)

Were these fancy ladies the same "rowdies" Nolan Finley said were terrorizing downtown recently?

Further down in the email, Gilbert promises to cover "the entire cost to paint your home or apartment" for anyone who can help assist in nabbing the vandals. This is a man who promised a billion dollars for a March Madness bracket, so painting a house should be small change.

The young women painted "welcome to Detroit," "bizzy bitch," "fuck bitch," "mack daddy" and a few other sayings on the building. You can see all of their work here. They are described, according to the surveillance videos, as white women in their early 20s, which is about 40% of downtown these days so good luck with that.

H/T r/Detroit!